Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Blog Kong: American Chicken Salad in Asia

Hello all....and by all, I mean the 10 of you who might read this...not including my sister....so 11.   I have taken a little break from the blog but now I am back with many-a-recipe!!  I will be posting more frequently now:))

SOOOO...in October Karen and I went to Hong Kong!!!  We went to make cakes for a Halloween cake exhibition at a mall  in the Diamond Hill area of the city.  Just in case you don't know where Honk Kong is...




See it's right by China....I figured you would know where China is.....and if you don't then you probably can't read anyway so you have no idea what I am saying.....titties, titties, titties...see...nothing...

We were there for 10 days....here is our hotel lobby...
Ooooooo....super fance!!! 
The first night we stayed on the 9th floor and this was the view...

Uuuu....gross. 
But then for the rest of the trip we were on the 22nd floor...

Now that's more like it.  This picture was taken from my little pod room.....seriously..  look..

So I'm now a butterfly. 

Actually everything in Hong Kong seems smaller than things in America....

Here is the tiny garbage can for the kitchen....

The one in the bathroom is even smaller

And here's the kicker....the smallest can ever.....right by the toilet...
Seriously!  That's my shoe.  What am I gonna put in here!!  Look!

Really!  My hand wouldn't even fit in there...not that I would throw my hand away.  This is like a garbage can for cupcake wrappers only....but who wants to eat a cupcake while they are dropping a deuce....the cupcake is what got you there in the first place!

The tin-e-ty continues...

Karen is getting ready to iron her cupcake wrapper and save it for later....she doesn't have a choice...cause "cupcake wrapper garbage can" is all full;) Damn!

Oh and look at this baby fridge..

And what's behind door number1....more like door number 0.5...

An even tinier carton of milk!  Actually it wasn't really milk....the first ingredient on the label was hydrogenated palm kernel oil....yuck!

Speaking of yuck....we had a really tough time finding food for the first few days....

Breakfast was great! 


Cereal, juice, toast, coffee, fruit.....done....lunch and dinner however....not so much...


Ahhhh!! I know....I'm a fraud!!!  Look we didn't have much choice....A.) We were in an area with local people who didn't speak English...B;) WE do not speak Chinese...and 3.) These are the things I recognized from my many trips to the Farmer's Market in Atlanta!  So there!

Actually after two days of re hydrated noodley things...I decided to go online and order food.  We weren't sure about how the meet was prepared at restaurants in Hong Kong...point in case...

Uuuu...yea.
So we decided to order everything vegetarian. 
The food came and I immediately notice a little face coming out of my salad...


Not....happy.....Hey maybe this fish was a vegetarian....

this was the rest of the animals we found in the food...





Oh an entire circus!

Well to the credit of the restaurant....they were just following everyone else...
See....this pig was vegetarian....so we can eat it...right?....look at the last one.... "vegetarian balls"...I think we went on a date once...gross, stop it.....

Luckily, Jan (our guide) came by that night and took us to a fantastic dinner!!!!!
Yum!  Seriously...it was off the chain.  That shrimp toast in the middle there changed my life!

So I decided to get serious!  We are stuck in this apartment working so I should practice what I preach and COOK! 
So I decided to have my own Farmer's Market Find in Hong Kong.....although they just call it the grocery store....plus they sell wine!!!

So here is the market....I had to hide behind this stack of rice and take a picture because Hong Kong people were not to happy about me taking pictures of them...like this guy....

That's the still shot of him yelling at me in Chinese in his super cool Britney Spears head set.  Seriously, I thought he was gonna have me arrested "Broke Down Palace" style!

Okay enough about that....let's shop.

LOOK!! Dragon Fruit!!!




 I feel so relevant!

And here are prepackaged quick dinners like they have at Publix!  So exciting..
except this one probably contains chicken hearts.  Remember that song "Where Do Broken Hearts Go"?...well HERE,  they go in your food.....it's a win/win...really...

Aaaaannnddd then this.  A bin full of faces for sale!
 Let's head back!!!
Look....food in the tiny fridge!!!


American Chicken Salad in Asia
(AKA Chick-a-dee China....the Chinese Chicken Salad)

 Okay so I decided to make a chicken salad.....but I had no measuring spoons or cups.....so....I have no recipe....sorry.  Let's wing it....first boil some eggs....
Next (because you have no zester)...scrape the orange peel off with a dull knife like a caveman....

Now chop the zest into little pieces... you know...so it actually looks like zest...
Oh don't mind Dracula in the background....we invited a dinner guest. Lol

Now....chop the chicken into cubes...about a pound...God this is so half assed!!

Then steal the rest of Karen's almonds to use as garnish as well as the salt from the bottom of the bag....Ghetto.

Now cook the chicken on your super convenient hot plate...

Add the zest and the stolen almond salt....

Now for the dressing....
I used the juice from one orange, a sloosh (that's a bit more than a skosh) of red wine vinegar...I think? (the label was in Chinese)  well, at least it tasted like vinegar....and a bit of olive oil....
and whirl it around with a spoon but pretend that its a whisk.....cause you don't have a whisk....remember?

Oh and be sure to make the dressing in a drinking glass....cause otherwise it's not the same;)

Place the chicken on a bed a lettuce and any other vegetables that you recognize and garnish with the dressing, eggs, and stolen almonds.

That was painful....but delicious!!!




Now for the fun part!  Hong Kong is full of hilarious shit!!!  Let the slide show and comments begin!!


Food Network!!!  Yay!!

This just made me giggle.

Ugh!  They are everywhere!  WTF is a leisure forcemeat biscuit!  Is it the shit that goes inside hotdog weenies? Yuck....I hate weenies!  So these are like Weenie Crackers....now I would at least try that:)

Look at the brand on this one...."No Frills" ....no shit!

Yum? ish...what! Is this restaurant in a "pineapple under the sea"....

And I'm pretty sure this ice cream is called "Crunkies"....it won a Hip Hop Foodie Award...really!

Yay!!  Wait....when did you get all old and stuff....we need to pray....
Dear Baby Jesus....stop being an adult.
Amen

This was an entire shop full of gumball machines that spit out toys and candy and stuff....you could even use your debit card to get one....I got a lobster spaghetti key chain.  Yay?



B'Okay! Let's talk about how THIS is the PASTRY CASE....at MCDONALDS!  What!???  Thanks Ronald! all we got was childhood obesity and cancer from your clown ASS!


These next three are shirts made by a local designer who is serious need of Rosetta Stone!

What!

Hey....hey!...Fifi is an individual who likes to express herself through her clothing choices...and so is anyone who buys this shirt.

Congratulations....

Here is my fave!!! Drum roll please.....

Ha ha!  A doughnut shop called T Bags!!

Here is Giant Buddha giving me a pat on the back for my "Buddha's Hand" blog post.
After I took this picture he slapped the shit out of me. Bitch!


Look!!! Dragon fruit smoothie!!!  See this gives my blog a little credibility....right?




Well that is all from Hong Kong.  I would like to thank Karen Portaleo for giggling through Asia for ten days, our guide, Jan, for taking us to some delicious food, and Hong Kong....for serving organs, Weenie crackers, baby fish, unrefrigerated meat, "cupcakes wrappers only" trash cans, and T Bags....may you continue to dip your doughnuts and prosper!

That's all for now.....
hold please....

8 comments:

  1. Ok, this was just hilarious! loved it!!!

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  2. Love your Blog Kong! I live in Toronto, but now visiting my family in Hong Kong. I just went to a market with my dad this morning, they just killed 3 live chickens for my dad, and it only took 10 minutes. Everything is so different here from North America. Didn't know if you had a chance to try the pastries here in HK when you were here. I'm planning to open my cake shop in HK, hopefully in 2 years. But I'll have to learn more cake decorating skills back in Toronto first. All the best!

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  3. I cried, that was some funny blog writing yo. Why didn't you bring back that Fifi shirt for Fifi?

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  4. I’m one of the 10!!!!

    First I have to ask … why did you move from the 9th floor to the 22nd floor…is it cause you are a diva and wanted a better view?! Or was Karen so jealous of the awesomeness you ooze (get your mind out of the gutter man!) that she demanded you guys get separate pods. 9th floor room looked way more roomy…but alas you must do what you must do. Also the cupcake trash can made me literally snort, out loud mind you, …thanks for that.

    2nd loved what you did there with the fish heads and the “let’s head back” pun…well played.

    3rd that chicken salad looked good, and I’m not a big salad person but sometimes a salad is really good. This one looked REALLY good considering what it took to get it to the table.

    Finally…anyone else want to see Josh cook with “Hydrogenated palm kernel oil” ?! Just me … ok truth I want to see him eat it ha!

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  5. OMG! I cannot stop laughing! Everyone keeps coming into the office at work to see why i'm belly laughing...
    i love you JJR!
    Jess

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  6. You have some dark, twisted stuff in there!! Amazing blog - my new fav!! You funny guy!

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  7. I lovvve Asia! Not to good for a caker in Korea. Better in Japan, but the food for an American is different, yes even in McDonald's! I miss it! I lived on the 23 rd floor but the mini things are cute

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  8. I loved your blog post. It was hilarious. I too went to Asia (South Korea) for the first time this year. The things were bigger over there than Hong Kong. The poeple were super friendly and allowed us take pictures of them, perhaps it is because me and the group were African and we had a baby in the group so we usually had crowds around us and the baby. Perhaps next time, you should take a baby- universally cute!

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