Ugli Shrimp:(

Let me start this week by saying Happy Easter.  And in the spirit of the holiday, I figure it is only right to show you my Easter treat.  I found this at the Farmer's market....

They call it a Russian Easter Cake.....but it kind of looks like a penis with sprinkles on top! yikes!
And here is the best part....read the ingredients...

If the seventh ingredient on that list is true, then why the hell is this cake so dry!  Talk about a multipurpose pastry....you can serve this at a party and then it will water your lawn! Ha ha!

Oh before we get started with a recipe, look at this sign...

Great advice!  The funniest thing about this photo is that I didn't intend to take this picture....the camera just went off in my hand....it must have been the Easter Cake;)

Alright....

So I realized that next time I venture to the market, I'm gonna have to start at the end and work my way to the front.  You see, all the produce is at the front, so I end up finding something before I have a chance to look around.  This week I found two things I had to buy. Here is the first....

It's called Ugli Fruit....for real...I didn't make that up.  The picture does it justice...this thing really is ugly.  It looks like an elderly grapefruit.  Oh that's mean...this could be some little orange's grandmother!

So I lob the top off.....it kind of looks like an orange inside....the only difference is that this thing is like peeling a basketball.

So the ugli fruit has a mild citrus flavor with a tiny bitter finish.  I picked up some awesome shrimp at the market so I'm thinking of a crisp and summery shrimp salad or ceviche.  Let's juice it!!

Just for the record....if you do not have a juicer....go get one....it will change your life!!

So now that we have our ugli juice ( I know people who drink this regularly ;), I have to figure out how to incorporate the other item.  I've seen this thing plenty of times. so this time I decided to get one.  It's a Mamey Sapote.....

Here's the deal....all I know about this fruit is that it is supposed to have a sweet potato like taste and an avocado like texture.  It has a striking resemblance to a cake I once saw....

Oh wait....

It's like twins!!  I wonder if he's thirsty....

Drink your Ugli juice Shelby!! Ha Ha! 
And if you don't understand that Steal Magnolias reference you should be ashamed of yourself!

Okay, I looked up some videos about how to cut this thing and no one said to use a chainsaw....but that is pretty much what you need!  I don't think I got a ripe one:(  It's like trying to cut open a bowling ball. Here is what it looks like inside...

Oh God help me.  Is this where babies come from....we need to pray....Dear sweet Baby Jesus...please erase this image from my brain and forgive me for posting it on the Internet and forgive me for saying this is where babies come from and please continue to bring babies via stork.....love, Joshua

Okay. Ugh.  I can't believe I have to taste this.....(insert joke here)...I won't even touch that one.  Let's just say this is not consumable!  I might as well have eaten a pine cone...at least my mouth would have tasted blood....and not this thing....I'm gonna try this one again soon.....I just got a bad one:(

Now I am thinking about a spicy shrimp appetizer....here goes...

Ugli Shrimp

ingredients:
1# (21-25) Shrimp...just for the record, the numbers used to identify shrimp is just the amount that would roughly be in one pound.  So we are gonna get 21 to 25 shrimp in this pound.
2 Slices of yellow onion
1 T. or 2 cloves garlic, chopped
1/2 cup Ugli juice (or orange juice...I'll explain why later...it's a sad story...keep reading)
1 T. seasoned rice vinegar
1 T. honey
1 t. chili sauce
1 t. siracha
salt and pepper to taste

First you want to peel and de-vein the shrimp.  Using a small knife, you slice the top side of the shrimp like this...

And then clean out the poop...gross....sorry....

Now, saute the onions (very finely chopped) and garlic in a scoshe of olive oil ( a scoshe is just a tiny bit...I don't even know if it is a real word...it's pronounced "skowsh") and no I didn't make that word up.

Meanwhile, we are going to mix together our honey, paste, siracha, rice vinegar, ugli juice, and a pinch of s and p...in a separate bowl. 
Once the onions and garlic have browned, deglaze the pan with a splash of white wine.

And using a wooden spoon, scrape all the goodness off the bottom of the pan:)
Now add the ugli juice mixture and let the liquid reduce a little.

Now add the shrimp and cook until the shrimp turn pink....

Okay here is where the sad story starts....:(((((
SO apparently ....when you cook the ugli juice down it turns super ass bitter!  So what I'm saying is that this dish is terrible....I even tried to add a little lemon juice to lift it...

Yea that didn't work ...now it tastes like lemons and ass....


So this is a learning experience for all of us...see I never said every recipe would work out.
The recipe is not lost though...I remade the dish and replaced the Ugli juice with orange juice and it is fantastic.... SEE

Yum!!!  I'm still sad....I got a cake that looks like a penis, a fruit that looks like a vagina, and an elderly bitter grapefruit....this was not a successful trip to the Farmer's Market...but none the less we got a recipe out of it.

Happy Easter all!!  More to come....hold please....