Sunday, May 29, 2011

Don't take this for grani...tay?

Look what came in the mail...
I was so excited I wanted to take my bra off and jump on a trampoline!  It's like giving a fat girl a free pair of Spanx with her banana split!  Just for going to a place I was already headed  and buying the stuff I was already going to buy....I get a free blanket...sign me up!!!!

There they are....a whole box of hideous blankets that are kind of the color of raw meat.  And why is THIS a baby might as well just wrap your baby up in a skirt steak and call it a day!  Nothing says "Welcome Baby" like cattle silhouettes on a blood red piece of felt!  I guess it's better than this though....

Oh no you didn't! Yes I did!  I mean...I found this cake in the I don't know who made it.....;)

So enough playing around!  Let's shop...
Oh yes ma'am!  I have always wanted to taste fresh lychee!!  I know these are more common now thanks to the bar scene...."Girl, you know me and Star'keisha were backin it up at Vision on Friday night with our Lychee Martinis with two "churries" and a straw!"  Okay that kind of lychee is way different than this...and I never knew...fresh lychee has a perfume like quality that is lost in the canning process.

I'm glad I found this bin because I was gonna get this Thai okra...
Oh buddy....chin happens to alot of people.....(yikes)

Okay I have my lychee and my lets cook...

Aren't these fat little just wanna punch one....
We have to peel them...

Oh my God....there's an olive inside....what an evil trick!  Just I actually have to say "just kidding" on this blog...I should change the name of this blog to "Just Kidding"....Lol...just kidding I won't...okay I'm gonna stop saying just kidding now............                                                      just kidding :)

But for real....Olives are awful and they should all be punished

So remove the skin and pit and the lychee is ready for the party!
Because the flavor of lychee is so delicate....I need to make something light so we don't lose the flavor...and I know just the thing....Granita!

So Granita (pronounced like it is spelled or like gran-i-tay) is an icy treat from Italy.  And it's toads easy to make....along with some other juices/drinks I found at the market...

I have never seen this's really tasty...and if you fall asleep in the sun with your mouth open, it will soothe your throat sunburn;)

And instead of using water for our simple syrup, we are going to use coconut water!
This stuff is so good!  If I were president, I would change all tap water to coconut water....which is why I will never be president!  But that would be a treat every time you turn on the faucet!

Yum!  It's a little chunky...but you'll get used to it....
That line sounds like the start to a failed marriage! ;)

Okay here is the recipe....

Lychee Granita

1/2 cup sugar
1 cup coconut water
1 1/2 cups lychee drink/juice (this comes in a can as well)
1 cup aloe vera drink
1/2 cup coconut milk
1/2 cup fresh lychee, chopped
toasted coconut for garnish

Here we go...
First we have to make a simple syrup...
So bring the sugar and coconut water to a boil...

Then turn the heat off and add the other juices and the chopped lychee.
Let this cool in a shallow pan....

Now into the freezer:)

Now you want to let it freeze for a couple hours but the crucial step is that you scrape the pan with a fork every 20 minutes or so.  This will give you the flaky ice texture!

first scrape....

A few scrapes later....
Yay! It's ready!

Top with toasted coconut, and you have yourself a little cultural snowball!  It's super good and refreshing!

And as for the blanket....

It went to my little baby dog Brady...well he's my step dog...but I love him as my own...

"This year the role of Baby Jesus will be played by Brady Burns and his meat blanket"

For Real!!!! He almost got taken by the rapture!

Merry Christmas!

More to come....hold please


  1. hah! talented, good looking AND funny. you're the whole package, boyo. :)

  2. Looks delicious - but did you try the raw lychee? What was the texture like? Did you use large enough pieces that the texture was in the granita?

    Funny blog - I need a laugh. Thanks for that!

    (BTW: pretty sure that baby blanket would be perfect for Lady Gaga's baby...)

  3. Oh my, Josh - I nearly got fired from my job because I am sitting here laughing so hard while reading this! Miss you - so glad you're doing well!